One more cup of coffee before I go
Why worry about tomorrow? As we count down the final hours before the Mayan calendar and civilization as we know it come to an end, there's really no point in fretting over what might have come later, had the world not exploded and splintered into umpteen kajillion fiery pieces sent hurtling through space.
It's too late now to apply any Compound W to that giant worry wart that's growing on the end of your nose because of all those sleepless nights you spent lying awake in bed thinking about the dire consequences of global warming. Things will be heating up alright, but a lot faster and a lot hotter than we thought it would. The polar ice caps will turn to super-heated steam in seconds. It should be spectacular. The only real downside is there won’t be anyone around to share video of it on any of the social-media sites. Surely, the end-of-the-planet video could surpass Gangnam Style's billion YouTube views, if only someone were around to watch it.
But, come 12/21/12, we will avoid the looming wall of potential unpleasantries that awaits us all, from climate change, Social Security bankruptcy, and the fiscal cliff to the inevitability of a new Rebecca Black video. If there ever were a time to watch her “Friday” video, the end of the world is it, so here you go: www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfVsfOSbJY0. Trust me. You’ll want to be dead before the song is over.
If the world hadn’t ended and the U.S. government had allowed the economy to march off the fiscal cliff like so much lemming, it might have led us back into recession and propelled the unemployment rate back into double digits. The spending cuts and expiring tax cuts that would have taken place on Jan. 1 would have totaled more than three-quarters of a trillion dollars. That’s a pretty large chunk of economic stimulus in a titanium-kneed economy still working its way through a smarting rehab regimen.
But fortunately, we’ll never have to decide whether to walk off the cliff, settle for Plan B, or roll up congressional sleeves and pass legislation that doesn’t cripple the economy. Fortunately, Baby Boomers won’t need to postpone their retirements a second time because their investments have plummeted in value. We’ve already avoided the loss of their expertise and experience once, and I’m not sure any of us want to cross that theoretical bridge again, even though we’ve been worrying about it for around 20 years and devising innovative ways to capture their knowledge before they’re gone forever.
No need to capture that expertise and experience now. We’ll all be star-cluster fodder by the weekend.
The takeaway here — although I’m not quite sure where you’ll take it at this point — is that planning ahead is for rubes and squares. Enjoy your final hours doing the things that make you happy. I, for one, am drinking coffee, listening to Rebecca Black, and blogging. Sometimes, it’s the simplest pleasures that give us the greatest joy.
Open your Christmas gifts tonight. Break every New Year’s resolution you were going to make by daybreak. And, for the love of Yik’in Chan K’awiil, stop nibbling your fingernails over the economic forecasts for 2013. Brew up a nice cup of Maya Earth Coffee (www.mayaearthcoffee.com) and sip it slowly as the world crumbles around you.